


My remedy-My clarity

by Team_CaptainAmerica



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Amnesia, Crime Fighting, F/M, Flashbacks, Human Experimentation, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Mystery, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Past Torture, Recovered Memories, Recovery, Sad, Test subject, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2018-07-18 12:18:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7314877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Team_CaptainAmerica/pseuds/Team_CaptainAmerica
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You're a Hydra test subject found and rescued by the new Avengers. You meet and fall in love with Bucky Barnes, but there are complications and questions left unanswered.... Like why you were the only person being held at the Hydra the facility where you were found? Or why are you, a simple test subject, so important to Hydra that they keep coming after You?<br/>WARNING: There is a lot of needles, panic attacks, torture etc in this story and if that is a trigger please proceed with caution!!!!!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Prologue:  
An Unknown Hydra base - somewhere in Russia   
Darkness. Then, bright, blinding lights as someone pulls you harshly from where you’re curled up into the fetal position in the corner of your dark and dingy cell. They dragged you along the dark and dirty hallway, You were too weak to walk. They took you down several flights of steps, and more halls and corridors before You finally reach the last hallway, which seemed almost darker and more sinister than the rest if that was even possible. At the very end, was a large door, metal and barricaded. One of the men holding you knocked and the door was opened slowly, and You were pulled in and the door shut behind you.   
Fear seized you as they pushed you into an examination chair. Metal restraints that were connected to the chair clicked on your arms, holding you down as You began to struggle, crying out for help. A bright light was clicked on above you and you squinted to see in the brightness.   
“My, my, what a fighter she is, she’s just what we need for the new project” a man’s voice said. He approached you, a large syringe in his hand. Your eyes widen in fear, and You struggled against your restraints with no avail.   
“Struggling will do you no good darling” He said as he approached you slowly, “Just relax” He said before plunging the needle into your arm and You cry out in pain and shock before the world goes dark, the last thing you see is the man grinning at you.   
The next several times you woke up you were injected with lots of different drugs, and every once and awhile they took you upstairs and wiped you, and put you in cyro for a while. But then they brought you out of it and You went under more drugs and experiments. Little did you know that soon you be saved   
and a certain super soldier/assassin would steal your heart, healing what’d been broken in the process.   
Your P.O.V.  
You opened your eyes to find yourself alone in the same dark and dingy room they’d brought you in the first place, only this time the metal restraints that were usually on your arms were undone, the door was left partially open, and you were alone. They NEVER left you alone, there was always someone there, guarding and watching you. You slowly pushed yourself up and stood on weak legs, clumsily taking a step forward and almost falling, catching yourself on the chair. Your foot hit something metal and you found needles, scalpels and other medical tools strewn on the floor. You sat down on your knees, looking around dazed at the room, there was only one light, flickering and flashing, setting your nerves on edge.   
“What’s going on? Where is everyone? Is this a trap? Okay, okay, breathe... just. Breathe.” Your thoughts raced through your mind, what could’ve happened that you were left alone, abandoned, not that you weren’t already alone… But from what you could remember, you’d always been closely and heavily guarded. Lost in thought, You almost don’t hear footsteps, quiet and almost non-existent in the empty hallway. Your head snaps up, thoughts racing.   
“Were they coming back for you? Were they coming to put you through hell again?” You slowly reach for something to defend yourself, coming up with a glass syringe and You want to grab something else but there’s no time and you quickly hide it behind your person. A man in a red uniform with a weird-looking metal helmet entered.  
“Everything’s all clear down here” He said before his eyes settled on you, half hidden in the darkness. “Wait, I found a test subject, female, do not engage” You slowly stand, your faded cloth gown you were given when you’d first arrived here falling past your knees, the sleeves baggy and drooping past your hands. You shiver, only now realizing how thin the material was and how cold you were. The man slowly approached you, holding out his hands as if to show he wasn’t a threat, but you knew better.   
“Hey, it’s okay… I’m not going to hurt you” He said, taking off his helmet, still slowly edging towards you. He reached for your arm and You shriek, startling him and throw the syringe at him, which smashes over his head and one of the pieces cuts his cheek. You quickly make a run for it as he cries out in pain. Your bare feet echo along the damp, empty, graphited walls, the lights still flashing erratically. Your eyes are everywhere, scanning for an exit, anything for you to escape. You glance back to find the man had disappeared, he wasn’t even following you. You frown, this seemed odd to you, but you ignored it and kept going.   
You turn and there’s a dead end, only a barred window with all the glass punched out. You turn to go back and stop suddenly when a woman in red, with long brown hair appears before you, her eyes glowing red along with red wisps dancing across her fingertips. You stop, startled and back away slowly, now how were you going to escape?   
“It’s okay… We’re not going to hurt, we are here to help” She said, her accent thick and unfamiliar. She approached, the red wisps swirling and dancing madly across her fingers, it was a bit unnerving. You slowly backed away until you hit the wall, the cold stone making you shiver in your thin gown.   
“No… please no” You whisper, frightened beyond belief as she neared, the man from before magically appearing behind her and approaching you as well.   
“If you just-” She started to speak, but was cut off as the red from her eyes disappeared and she slumped to the ground, holding a hand to her head, the other reaching for the wall to steady herself. “Oh…” She whispered, breathing heavily, closing her eyes as if she was trying to block out some unknown pain.   
“Scarlet…” the man from before said, rushing forward, but she waved him off, refusing to be touched.   
“Guys, Scarlet Witch is down, I’m going to need backup” He said to the air and you frown, what on earth? In a desperate attempt to save yourself or get help, you turn and scream through the smashed window, gripping the metal bars.  
“Help! Someone help me please!” You scream, turning and looking at the man who was still slowly approaching you. You push your body into the corner as close as possible to it, as if you were trying to blend in with the wall. Sliding to the floor you curl into the fetal position,  
“If you just-” The man said reaching for you and you pull back away even more, if that was even possible.  
“Nononono, please no, do-don’t touch me PLEASE… don’t” You whisper, gripping the cloth of your thin gown in your hands, trembling in fear. You couldn’t handle being touched right now, you just couldn’t. The man stopped and pulled away, kneeling on the floor, still looking at you. He started talking to the air again.  
“Guys, she’s pretty freaked out, she won’t let me touch her and I think she’d still under some heavy drugs” He said looking closely at you. Suddenly, a red, green, and yellow thing with a cape appeared next to the red woman, kneeling beside her.   
“Wanda, what happened?” He asked, with an accent as well, but different than the girl, more crisp and clear than hers.   
“I-I saw, I looked into her mind” She said and You frown, what was going on? The weird looking man glanced at you before getting up and approaching you. You tense and pull back, making yourself as small as possible.   
“Vision, don’t…” the other man said   
“But how else are we supposed to sedate her?” He replied and You froze.   
“Sedate? Nononononono…. Not again” you refused to be put under drugs again, you wanted to know what was going on. You freak out and surge forward, avoiding the two men’s grasps as they’re cut off from their discussion. You begin to run down the hallway, ignoring the yelling and the pounding footsteps. You stop in the middle of a hallway with four different ways to go, You were lost. You turned and found the weird colored man following you, carrying the woman calmly with almost no emotion.   
You can hear pounding footsteps in the distance and you tense, You couldn’t be taken again, you refused to be put under and their empty promises to not hurt you were just lies to get you to go with them quietly and without a fuss. You turn away from both of the approaching parties and run down a hallway with a lone light fixture. You could hear the pounding behind you getting closer and closer, and You try to run faster and faster but it seems like You weren’t getting anywhere.   
Suddenly, someone grabbed your arm and you scream, trying to escape their grip, crying out and putting up a fight, which was getting you nowhere. A needle came into your line of vision and You scream again, and then you’re back in the dark metal room with the evil doctor and his many needles and drugs, you’re caught between reality and the horrors of your past and you can’t make out which is which.   
“NO! No, no please… nononono no needles, no more please… don’t touch me please” You plead, fighting them, desperately trying to get away as a sharp pain pierces your skin and the world spins, different faces and flashes of distant memories mixing together until darkness consumes you and then there’s nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

Your P.O.V.  
You awoke in a brightly lit room in a hospital-like bed, your old, dirty gown gone and replaced with a clean hospital one. You breathed a sigh of relief when you realized there were no needles in sight. The room had no windows, and the walls were crisp, cream color with a blue wallpaper lining. It was an odd sight, it’d been so long since you’d seen decent colors besides black, brown or gray, maybe an occasional white. There is a welcoming warmth in the room, and you relish it, when was the last time you’d been this warm? You couldn’t remember. The door across from you suddenly clicked open slowly, and a woman with beautiful red hair entered, walking slowly towards.   
“You’re finally up” She said, you didn’t reply so she presses on “sorry about sedating you, you were going into a full blown panic attack” You still don’t say anything. She holds out a pile of clothes, “You can take a shower if you’d like, there’s shampoo and conditioner in there already” She spoke again, gesturing to another door in the room. You nod taking the clothes from her.   
“My name is Natasha by the way” She told you and You look up at her in surprise, no one had ever told you their name, it was a comforting piece of information to know her name. You look her over, trying to decide if this was a trick and she was actually really dangerous or if she was really a good person. You stand slowly and walk towards the door she’d pointed to. You sneak a quick glance at her before entering and shutting the door quietly behind you.  
Inside, You find a toilet, sink, and a good sized shower. You set your new set of clothes on the counter next to the sink, there was already a towel hanging on the hook. You quickly shed the thin hospital gown, folding it neatly and setting it on the counter. You turn and catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, almost doing a double take.   
You were thin, which was to be expected, but you didn’t look malnourished or sickly thin, which surprised you, you don’t remember them feeding you that well or keeping at least healthy. Your skin was pale and your eyes looked tired and dull, like all the life was sucked out of them, the dark circles under your eyes not helping the matter. Your (h/l), (h/c) hair was limp and dirty, making you feel even more gross. Your fingers ghost over a number branded into your hip, ugly and scarred. Now that you look, there are scars all over your body, especially on your arms from all the needles you guessed. You pull back your hair and find a different set of numbers tattooed on your left shoulder.   
You sigh and hop into the shower, turning on the hot water and shivering in delight, you couldn’t remember the last time you’d had a hot shower, let alone a shower. From what you could remember, They’d usually just douse you with cold water from a bucket. You stayed in there forever, washing every inch of your body, making sure all the dirt and grime was gone and washed your hair with shampoo and conditioner several times to make sure it was clean. Once you get out of the shower, You put on the clothes they gave you, hanging up the towel not wanting to make a mess. You shuffle out of the bathroom to find the redhead gone. You sit down on the edge of the bed, looking around and trying to adjust to bright, big room. It was new and unfamiliar, almost comforting in a way. Your head snaps up and you turn as the door opens and the redhead entered with a black man with a kind, reassuring smile on his face.  
“Hi, I’m Sam” He said pulling up a chair next to the bed and sitting down, as did the redhead, or Natasha, as she told you. “  
“You’re probably wondering where you are and what’s going on” Natasha said and You nod.   
“Well, you’re at Avengers Hq in Upstate New York, you were rescued from Hydra two days ago, You’re safe and they can’t get you here, okay?” Sam told you, and You frown and shake your head.   
Who was Hydra? Who were the Avengers? What was going on and who are these people?  
Sam and Natasha gave you odd looks and exchange glances.   
“Do you know who the Avengers are?” Natasha asked and You shake your head no.  
“Do you know who Hydra is?” Sam asked and You sigh, shaking your head again, you didn’t know anything. They exchange glances again and get up, leaving you alone in the room, leaving you alone and confused. You laid back on the bed and tried to sort out what was going on. Everything was so mixed up and distorted, you didn’t know what or who to believe, You fell into an unsettling sleep wondering what was in store for you.   
3 days later…   
You were adjusting to a sort of daily routine. They brought you three square meals a day, which you tried to eat as much as you could, but you could barely eat half of it. You took a shower everyday now, and they supplied you with towels, a hairbrush, toothbrush and toothpaste, and other toiletries. Sam or Natasha would come in and talk to you everyday, You never saw the people you saw the day they rescued you. Today though, no one had come in and talked to you, You’d been alone all day except for when they brought in your meals.   
You stood up and walk to the door, slowly turning the knob, the door opened to your surprise and you looked out cautiously, there was no one in sight. You tiptoe out of room, looking around, wary and scared of the unknown. You keep walking and turn, only to find a dead end leading to a window. Curious, you approach it, unsure of what sight would meet you. What you see causes you to gasp in surprise and awe. There was a huge, green luscious field beneath you, with trees for miles. You could just barely make out a city at the edge of it. There were people running outside, breathing hard as they pushed themselves to their limit.   
But what entranced you the most was the sun, bright and shining as it spread warmth everywhere. It was beautiful and comforting, a feeling you hadn’t felt for a long, long time. You reach out slowly and touch the glass, trying to feel the warmth though your fingertips. You wished you could go out there and feel the warmth on your back, surround and embrace you. You sit down, curling up against the window as You press your cheek to the glass, fingers tracing the glass. You were captivated by it, never wanting to forget this sight again.  
Bucky’s P.O.V.   
I was headed down from my bedroom to get a late lunch when Natasha approached me, looking her usual self but there was a tenseness to her figure, like she was on edge.  
“Bucky, she’s gone” She said stopping in front of me.   
“What?” I ask  
“The woman, we rescued from the Hydra base… Friday was down before because Tony updating something and the door of her room was unlocked and she got out, we need everyone to look for her” Natasha explained.   
“Oh, okay I’ll let you guys know if I find her” I say and turn, heading for the upper levels were she was being held, she couldn’t have gotten far.   
Once I was upstairs, I passed her room to find it empty, and I kept going down the hall, eyes everywhere. And then I saw her, curled up against the window, gazing out at the world.   
“Friday…. Tell them I found her” I whisper, trying to keep my presence unknown  
“Yes sir” the robotic voice replied and I winced, but the woman didn’t even flinch. I quietly, slowly approached her, I didn’t want to scare her and send her into another panic attack like what had happened back at the Hydra base.   
“It’s so beautiful” She whispered, and I froze, that was the first time she’d spoken since she’d gotten here, at least from what I’d heard from Sam and Natasha’s reports.   
“What is?” I ask, trying to keep her occupied   
“The sun, the light” She said, her voice still at a whisper “It’s so warm and comforting” I hear footsteps behind me and I turn to find almost everyone standing behind me. I shoo them away, pressing a finger to my lips. They look at me curiously but comply, Steve looks like he wanted to ask me what was going on, but he followed the others down the hall. I breath a sigh of relief and approach her, slowly kneeling by her, leaning against the window.   
“It is quite stunning” I say, trying to encourage her to keep talking.   
“I-I can’t remember the last time I saw the sun, or the light…” She whispers, never taking her eyes off of the outside. I look at her sadly, stupid, stupid, idiotic Hydra. How dare they take away this woman’s freedom, her whole life gone. It wasn’t fair. At least with me, I went outside, I saw the sun because I went on missions. She doesn’t remember the last time she went outside, let alone saw the sun. Shut away from the outside world, kept alone and cold in the dark. I clenched my fist, wanting to punch something because of what they’d done. How long? How long had she been tormented and put through hell? I was pulled out of my thoughts when she spoke up again.  
“I wish I could stay here forever, it’s so dark and lonely in my room” She says   
“I know what you mean” I say trying to comfort her and she gives me an odd look.  
“I fell off a train in 1945 towards the end of WW2, Hydra found me and turned me into an assassin, they couldn’t save my arm so I got this” I say raising my metal hand “they brain-washed me and wiped my memories, I killed a lot of innocent people and I have to deal with that guilt now. They kept me in cryo so that’s why I’m still alive” I explain, gritting my teeth, it was hard to tell the truth about what had happened to me, this was the first time I’d actually told someone face to face by myself, besides to Steve, and that wasn’t the whole story either.  
“I’m sorry…” She whispered still looking outside.   
“It’s okay, it’s not your fault” I say, swallowing thickly as she looked sadly outside. We sat there in silence still looking outside until she began to nod off, obviously fighting off sleep so she could stay by the window. It finally took over her and her body slumped against the window. I sighed, gazing over her thin frame, ‘now what?’ I bite my lip, thinking, She needed to see light, real sunlight, she was probably terrified of the dark, and being kept in a room alone without any windows was probably terrifying. An idea began to form in my head and I slowly picked her up bridal style. I walked down the hall, passing her room, ignoring it entirely and heading down to the living quarters.   
Once I was down there, I didn’t want to bring her into my room, that’d seem kind of forward and slightly creepy waking up in my bedroom, so I laid her on the couch in the Avengers living area. I threw a blanket over her and had Friday call Steve, Tony, Sam and Natasha here. Steve arrived first,   
“Buck, what is it?” He asked but stopped abruptly when he saw the her asleep on the couch.   
“I’ll explain when everyone gets here” I say and He nods slowly. When everyone arrived, I waited for their full attention before speaking.  
“Stark, I want her to get her own room on the main floors” I say   
“What?!” Tony practically shrieked   
“Bucky, I don’t think that’s a good idea… she’d not stable yet” Sam said I sighed, shaking my head.  
“I know, but do you know where I found her? Curled up against the window. She hasn’t seen the light or felt warmth in probably a long time, she doesn’t remember, She fought sleep so she wouldn’t have to leave the window because she’s afraid she’ll never see it again” I explain “She needs to be in a room where there are windows and sunlight, comfort and warmth are key because that’s what relaxes and comforts her” I finish my little speech, I hadn’t spoken that much the whole time I’ve been here.   
The others looked at each other and Tony sighed,  
“Alright, fine. But we’ll have to put restrictions on her, she’ll only be able to go on certain levels of Hq and keep tabs on her, we’ll be in big trouble if she runs away” Tony said and I nod in thanks.   
“Friday, prepare a room for Hydra victim #2” Tony said before turning and leaving, the others following in suit, except Steve.   
“You sure about this Bucky?” He asks  
“I’m sure” I say and he nods before leaving as well. I looked down at her sleeping on the couch, she was in for a big surprise when she woke up, I knew it wouldn’t magically cure her, but it’d be a start and it will help a lot, she was headed in the right direction and I was determined to get her back to normal, no matter what it took. Hydra had taken away everything I’d loved and now to her, I knew what it was like and I wanted to help her in any way possible.


	3. chapter 3

Your P.O.V.  
You opened your eyes slowly to find yourself on an impossibly soft surface, sun was shining through the windows, almost blinding you. You groan, rubbing your eyes tiredly as you sat up. You look around confused, where were you? This was not the room you’d been in earlier. You hear the door being opened and you turn quickly, ready to make a run for it but it’s only the man from the window from before.   
“Hey, you’re up how do you like your new room?” He asked   
“This is mine?” You whisper still looking around  
“Yeah, we brought your stuff from upstairs down here so you’re all set” He told you and you nod in acknowledgement.   
“Why am I here?” You ask quietly   
“I convinced the others to let you have your own room on one of the main floors with plenty of windows and sunlight” he replied “You’re only allowed on some levels and you have to wear a bracelet to keep track of your whereabouts, but it’s a start”   
“Thank you” You say there was a pause and then he spoke up,  
“Oh, I didn’t get to tell you yesterday, my name is James, but you can call me Bucky” He said   
“Okay” You say, thoroughly surprised that everyone liked to tell you their name.  
“C’mon, Tony has your bracelet and that want to give you some health checkup thing... no needles I promise” He said when you flinched. You stood and followed him out into the hall and into the elevator down quite a ways before you reached a big room with science and mechanical stuff everywhere. You shuffled after him, cautious of all the lab and science equipment.   
“Hey Tony, she’s ready for her bracelet” He said presenting me to the man with dark hair and a matching goatee drinking a green liquid from a plastic cup. I looked at him curiously, he sure didn’t look like a scientist or someone smart, he looked kind of snarky if anything.   
“Hey, hydra victim #2 is here” He said but you stayed silent reaching up subconsciously to rub the scar marks on your arms. He looked at Bucky uneasily before clapping his hands together,  
“C’mon children, I’ll show you the new, improved version of the bracelet” He said and You follow him, eyes everywhere looking for danger. “Here we go” Tony said holding up a metal bracelet for us to see. He took your left arm and put it on your wrist, pressing a few buttons on it before it clicked in place. “There, all set… You’re allowed on all the communal and main levels, with a few exceptions, any questions?” He asked You shook your head gazing down at your wrist, the metal glinting in the light.   
“Thanks Tony, I have to take her upstairs to get a health checkup thing so we’ll catch you later” the man er-Bucky said. You followed Bucky into the elevator, looking awed at the elevator and the view from it. When it stopped with an abrupt halt, You were lead down a hallway into a bright room with medical equipment inside. You hesitated at the door, ever so cautious and frightened of needles and other sharp items.   
“We’re here” Bucky announced and the nurse turned and smiled   
“Right on time” She said still smiling widely and you hid behind Bucky still cautious.   
“Remember, no needles” he reminded her, and she nodded writing something down on her chart.   
“Alright miss… let’s get this show on the road” and she pulled you out from behind Bucky to an examination table. You took a deep breath and looked back at Bucky, who smiled at you. “I can do this… it’s alright, no needles, everything is alright….” You thought and then the endless tests started.   
Several hours later…   
You’d gone through a lot of tests and x-rays, true to Bucky’s word, luckily there were no needles. Now you were hungry and exhausted, ready for sleep. Bucky took you down to the kitchen everyone shared on one of the main levels where you got some food and You met Vision, one of the people from when you were rescued, the one with the weird colored skin, who’d comforted the woman. Turns out he was an Ai turned into a being by a mind stone, whatever that was, he seemed rather nice though. After that Bucky helped you find your room and You took a long nap, exhausted from all the tests.   
When you woke up, you managed to find your way down to what looked like the living room. You sat on the couch, running your hand over the impossibly soft fabric. Your eyes looked everywhere, you still felt tired, like you could sleep for another hundred years. You pull the sleeves from the long sleeve you’d been given to wear under the t-shirt over your hands shivering despite the warm room, you were cold.   
Your head snaps up when someone enters, he looked familiar. Your gaze rests on him before looking away, he wasn’t a threat. You’re surprised when he approaches you, eyes bright and happy.   
“Hi, I’m Scott” He said with a wave of his hand.   
“Hi” You whisper with a small wave of your fingers, you thought he seemed familiar, He sits down next to you on the couch, smiling as he begins to talk.  
“I just wanted to tell you that I forgive you for hitting me over the head with a syringe… I know you didn’t mean it, you were just scared and using it as self-defence, I totally get it, the scratch is healing up nice...” He said rambling on. So he was at your rescue as well, You felt embarrassed that’d you’d hurt him, but he didn’t seem to care.   
“Hey, you want to see a picture of my daughter? She’s going to be visiting in a couple months when school lets out for the summer” he said pulling out his phone and showing me a picture of his adorable daughter with chocolate brown curly hair and big pretty eyes. You studied her taking in her features, you couldn’t remember the last time you’d seen a child, yet it felt so familiar.   
“She’s beautiful” You say quietly  
“Thanks, she’s my world, the main reason I became Ant-Man” he said with a smile before pocketing his phone. You sit there quietly while Scott continues to talk until your stomach grumbles and you quietly excuse yourself and manage to find the kitchen.   
It’s a couple weeks later after you’ve met all of the Avengers and their close friends who visit or live there. You’ve been slowly opening up to them, you hardly spoke though, preferring to listen and watch. You still refused to let them near you with a needle, it was too traumatic, and You snacked a lot instead of eating one large meal at once. Some nights you’d have nightmares of the experiments and torture, others were sweet black nothingness, which you preferred. Your memory wasn’t getting better or worse, much to the frustration of those around you, though you tried to remember but it was hard when there was nothing for you to remember.   
One late morning you shuffled down to eat your version of breakfast, still confined to wearing the too big clothes they’d given you. You grabbed some of your (f/m/s) and had began to munch on it when Darcy, a rather outspoken and eccentric woman walked in, taking out the carton of orange juice and setting it on the counter along with leftover pizza and a can of Cheese Whiz. You wrinkled your nose in disgust as she began to eat the pizza cold, alternating spraying a stream of Cheez Whiz in her mouth and guzzling it all down with orange juice. From what you’d heard from her friend Jane talking to the others she was in some kind of funk after she’d broken up with her intern, some guy named Ian. She noticed your face and smiled at you,  
“Breakfast of champions, I survived on this and ramen in college” She said setting down the carton of orange juice. Darcy eyes my clothes with a raised eyebrow. “What’s with the baggy scrubs?” She asked   
“What?” You ask confused   
“Your clothes, you still have the “regulation” clothes they gave you?” Darcy asked You nodded slowly looking down at your so called clothes, too big and baggy on your thin frame. Darcy huffed in annoyance and put away her food before grabbing your arm and tugging you out of the kitchen and down the hall.   
“C’mon, you’ve been here how long and still no decent clothes? My goodness… it’s like I have to do everything around here” She said as you were pulled into the elevator.   
“Where are we going?” You ask   
“To buy you some decent clothes” She replied punching in the floor number.  
“Absolutely not” Tony said not looking up from his work. Darcy groaned,  
“Come on Tony… She’s been here for almost a month and still has those “regulation” scrub things that she’s drowning in” She argued. Tony sighed,  
“Look, she can’t leave Hq yet, she’s at risk of being found out” He told her  
“Yeah, but I’m taking her and no one knows me, plus I have my taser” She said, your eyes widened at her words. Tony rubbed his eyes tiredly, he wasn’t in the mood to fight with Darcy.   
“Okay, but check with Steve and Bucky so they know where you guys are, she’s allowed outside with her bracelet she just has to have someone with her” He told us   
“YES!” Darcy cheered “Thanks Tony!” She yelled and pulled you out the door.  
Once Darcy convinced the others, she gave you a set of her smallest clothes, which were still very baggy on you. Darcy sighed looking at you,   
“It’ll have to do” She said and with that note, you left the Hq for the first time since you’d gotten there.   
You stared out the window awed and dumbstruck at how BIG everything was, it was beautiful, you managed to enjoy the ride despite Darcy’s bad driving. The sun was bright and warm on your skin, but a cold breeze made you pull the light jacket you were wearing close to your thin frame. The mall was a different story, it was magnificent, you don’t remember seeing so many people in one place. The mall and food court was huge, with tons of levels and stores. Darcy had pulled out a credit card that probably wasn’t hers based on how much you’d spent one clothes, shoes, food and more. Once you’d shopped to your content, Darcy went and pulled up her car while you waited on the curb with most of the shopping bags.   
When she pulled up, you started helping her put everything into the trunk but you suddenly felt uncomfortable, like you were being watched. You stopped and looked around, eyes searching, you couldn’t shake the sinking, frightening feeling in your stomach that something was off. Someone pushed past you, causing you to stumble and you flinch at the contact, but when you look back at him, he’s watching you and talking to someone on a phone. Scared, you realize there are more men on the crowd surrounding you and You begin to panic before turning in the opposite direction and breaking into a run. You hear Darcy’s confused yell and shouts from the men as they rush after you.   
You keep running, breathing hard, trying to lose them as You weave your way through the crowds. Your borrowed, too big tennis shoes slap on the sidewalk as you run, You’re scared. The fear of being caught and taken seizes you and forces you to run faster, you take a quick glance back and they’re still there, keeping up their pace with you. Eventually, you make a quick turn only to find a dead end. You turn around, heart in your throat, breathing erratically as six men approached and surrounded you, You were trapped. In a crazy act of fright, You rushed forward, and the world was rushed and blurred past you, You felt like your brain had lost all control and something had taken over.   
When the spinning finally stopped, You opened your eyes dizzily, all six men lay dead on the sidewalk. Dazed and in awe, You took a shaky step forward but then the ground was rushing up to meet you and the sound of Darcy’s voice before the world is gone.  
A rooftop across the street:  
A man dressed in all black with special binoculars was watching everything that had happened. He grabbed his communicator and spoke into it,  
“Project 247 is a success”  
“Good, we’ll keep tabs on her as she progresses” a thick accent responded to his report.  
“She passed out after though” He said  
“That’s to be expected, it’s her first time, it’ll take her awhile to adjust” the accent replied   
“Alright, everything’s wrapped up here, I’ll be back at headquarters soon” He replied signing off the communicator.   
The man with the accent clicked off his communicator and smirked,   
“Perfect, everything is going to plan…”


	4. chapter 4

Bucky’s P.O.V.  
I sighed, bouncing my foot impatiently as the SUV headed to where Darcy had told us they were. When Darcy called and said she’d run off and some guys were after her, we immediately rushed to the SHIELD issued vehicles and headed over there, I knew it was a bad idea letting her go out in public without one of us. Darcy said she couldn’t tell us what happened, we’d have to see it to believe it, which just put me even more on edge. Finally, the SUV pulled up across the street from Darcy and I jumped out, the others close behind.  
I stopped abruptly when I saw the damage. All six of the men, who looked to be Hydra agents lay dead on the pavement and she lay unconscious in the middle of it all.   
“Darcy, what the heck happened?” I asked still a glancing at the Hydra agents cautiously as if they’d come alive and pounce at me at any moment.   
“I have no idea, one minute she was next to me, then she was running with six guys after her. I had to leave my car and I managed to see where they were going. When I caught up, all I saw was her passing out on the pavement, the rest were already dead” Darcy said I frowned, “what on earth could’ve happened here?” I think as Steve pulls out his cell phone and calls for backup to take care of the bodies.   
I kneel by her side, touching my fingers to her neck for a pulse, it seemed normal and I frowned again, that didn’t seem right if she’d passed out.   
“C’mon, let’s get her back to Hq, then we can figure this out” Natasha said I nodded and picked her up with ease, heading to the SUV. Darcy headed back to her car, Natasha stayed behind and waited for backup while Sam, Steve and the rest of us headed back.   
When we reached Hq, We immediately took her to the medical bay. They started taking her blood pressure and other tests, comparing them to the ones she’d taken early this month. They all came back the same, exactly like her others, nothing was wrong with her.   
“It’d really help if we had a clean blood sample” the nurse told us as we waited for her to wake up, they’d taken one before she’d woken up when we first brought her here, but it was mixed with a good amount of drugs.  
“She’s not going to like that” I said leaning back in my chair, still watching her.  
“It’s the only thing we can do that could give us clue of what could’ve happened, she could’ve been injected by some drug or tranquilizer, we need to eliminate the possibility” the nurse told us. I exchanged a look with Steve, we’d both seen how she’d reacted when we’d tried to sedate her. I sighed, this wasn’t going to be easy…   
Your P.O.V.  
The world was dark. It was times like these you wished you had memories to look back on, something to give you comfort in the dark. You could tell the darkness wasn’t going to last for much longer, you could hear voices talking in the distance. You slowly opened your eyes, groaning as sunlight hit your face. Still in a daze, you tried to sit up but you were quickly pushed back.   
“Whoa there sweetheart, take it easy” you heard Bucky’s voice and you opened your eyes fully, letting them adjust to the light before finding yourself on a bed in the medical bay. You lay back on the bed, closing your eyes.   
“What happened?” You ask rubbing your temples.   
“Some Hydra guys went after you while you were shopping and Darcy found them all dead and you were unconscious” Bucky told you  
“We were hoping you knew what happened” Steve spoke up from behind Bucky.  
“I-I don’t know… They came at me and then everything was a blur, and then I was falling and then darkness, that’s it” You say frowning as you try to remember. Bucky and Steve exchanged looks and a nurse that you hadn’t noticed was standing there, spoke.  
“Miss, if it’s not too much trouble, we need a blood sample” She said and you froze, your body going rigid. Blood sample=needles.   
“No. Nonononononono…. No.NO. I-I can’t needles, pain, torture… no please Make it stop” You think as memories of the torture and pain came back and You cover your ears, squeezing your eyes shut, shaking your head back and forth like a mad woman.   
“No… No. Nononononono please, no… make it stop. No… No” You plead your breathing becoming labored as you go into a panic attack. You hear yelling and hands on you, but you cry out kicking and flailing your arms as you try to escape. You push them away and stand, escaping their grips as you run blindly down the hall, you can’t go back there again. Not to that hell. You trip and fall and You feel too weak to get up so you curl up against the wall, sobbing and pleading as you fight the arms that grab you and hold you close.   
“NO! N-no… please. No, let me go, please, please” You yell, trying to escape their grip, you didn’t want to be taken back there again.  
“Hey, hey it’s okay… everything's okay” You heard a calm voice tell you. “Okay, count, just count to ten with me okay? 1… 2… 3…” You are able to count with, and you repeat it several times. Then he, you could tell it was a he now, told you to do simple actions, like raising your arms over your head. “There you go, concentrate on your breathing, stay in the present. You can get through this, you’re doing great”He told you You nod still counting under your breath as you tried to control your breathing. You slowly open your eyes to find Sam kneeling in front of you, the metal arm around your waist told you Bucky was holding you. You take in a shaky breath, wiping away tears.   
“Hey, there’s those pretty eyes” Bucky said gently turning you in his arms so he could see you, but also still see Sam.  
“Tell me what you need right now” Sam said   
“Water, n-no needles… the sun, I need to see the sun” You whisper, your thoughts too jumbled for you to get out a decent sentence.  
“Okay, I’ll get you some water, Bucky take her down to her room” Sam told him. You felt Bucky lift you effortlessly and head down to your bedroom. You close your eyes, still trying to calm your mind, which told you were still back in that dark place, even though you were safe. You were set down on the bed and as if on cue, sunlight poured through your windows. You slowly sat up facing the sunlight, running a hand through your messy hair. Bucky is right next to you, rubbing your back in slow soothing circles. You felt the sunlight on your face, relishing it’s warmth. Sam appeared in front of you, holding out a glass of water which you gratefully took, with shaky hands.   
“Slow sips now, okay? Just take it easy”Sam told you, holding a hand out to catch the glass in case your shaky hands dropped it. You sat there sipping water, concentrating on breathing, Sam’s encouraging words, and Bucky rubbing your back. When You finally fully calmed down and stopped shaking, Sam got up and left, leaving you with Bucky.   
“You okay?” Bucky asked You nod tiredly, taking another sip of water. You glance around your room and find a pile of shopping bags by the coffee table. You stood slowly, letting Bucky take your drink and walk over to them, rummaging through them until you find what you’re looking for.   
“I’m going to change” You whisper holding up the clothes to show him and Bucky nods in response. When you return, you’re in sweatpants, a t-shirt and socks (That actually fit!) and you’d fixed your hair so it wasn’t so messy. You sit down next to Bucky again, taking your water.  
“Thank you” You said gazing out the window.   
“It’s no problem, I still have problems with nightmares and stuff, I get it” He said “besides, Sam was the one who snapped you out of it” He added   
“Still, thank you” you say as a knock resounds on your door. You look curiously at the door, you rarely got visitors. Bucky got up and opened it to find Natasha standing in your doorway.   
“Hey, Tony finally got your records that we found on you from the Hydra base decrypted, he wants you to come to the meeting room” Natasha informed you. Your heart began to race, maybe they’ll have information about your past. You nod eagerly and grab Bucky’s hand, you want him to be with you in case something bad happens, and follow Natasha down the hall and into the elevator. You are quiet the whole way up, rocking back and forth on your heels nervously. When you finally get there, you get nervous and sit down at the table next to Bucky, wiping your sweaty palms on your sweatpants, trying to calm down.   
When Tony finally enters with a dark haired woman and Steve, he sets a file down in front of you.   
“There you go sweetcheeks, or should I say (Y/n)?” He said Your head snaps up.  
“That’s my name?” You whisper, it felt right in your head, hearing it being said and he nods   
“(F/n) (M/n) (L/n) to be exact” He told you as you open the file to reveal your name and a snapshot of you. You reach out and touch it softly so your fingers just barely skim the paper. You begin to read the printed lettering.  
(F/n) (M/n) (L/n), project 247 and subject 85. Project success: unknown.  
Subject’s body has no reaction to drugs distributed. Project put on hold and subject frozen on and off in cryo for 2 years and mind wiped before project taken up again and several times after.   
You keep reading, but all it’s about the project 247 you were in, nothing about before. Not a clue to where you came from. You look up at Tony,  
“This is it?” You ask   
“I’m afraid so, but we’ll have to keep tabs on you now with the Hydra agent fiasco today and any side effect of drugs that could possibly put you at risk” He said. You nod but sigh inwardly, besides your name, this got you nowhere. You stood, thanking Tony before heading back to your room without a second glance at the file on the table, leaving everyone behind.  
Bucky’s P.O.V.  
I watched her-(Y/n) leave, obviously upset. She’d been hoping for information about her past and all she got was her name, I felt bad for her, I knew what it was like to want to know what your past was, only I’d had Steve and the museum display. She didn’t have that at all.  
“What I don’t get is why there is so little on the project, not just her in general” Steve spoke up  
“So you’re saying there’s gotta be more on this” Maria said  
“There has to be, why else would they be so desperate to get her back?” Steve asked. Tony is oddly silent, snacking on some blueberries.   
“What if we took some of her blood and analyzed it?” Tony asked   
“Nope, that won’t work, the nurse mentioned taking her blood before and she freaked, she went into a full blown panic attack and We had to call Sam and everything” I told him “You can’t even say take blood or blood sample she freaks out, no way are you getting a needle near her body” Steve said Tony sighed,   
“Well, that makes things a bit more complicated” he said tossing another blueberry in his mouth.   
“So what’s the plan?” Maria asked Steve sighed but finally spoke up,  
“Okay, we’ll keep tabs on her and don’t mention blood or needles to her, we’ll try to dig up some of her past while we keep her out of the loop, she needs time to recover from the whole incident, are we clear?” He asked. We agreed with his plan and left the meeting room, I decided to leave (Y/n) alone, give her some time to clear head without anyone pestering her and headed to the gym to let off some steam, it was only 1:30 and it’d already been a long day.


	5. chapter 5

Your P.O.V.  
After sitting alone in your room for a couple hours mulling over what you’d found out you headed down to the kitchen to find someone to talk to. Finding the kitchen empty, you wandered into the living to find it also void of people, you frowned, ‘Where did everyone go?’   
“Friday?” You ask   
“Yes Miss (Y/n)?” She asked  
“Where is everyone?” You ask   
“Some of them were called on a mission, the rest went out or are somewhere in Hq”She replied  
“Oh” You think for a moment before speaking again “is Bucky here?”   
“Yes, he’s down in the gym” She told you  
“Okay, thanks” You said before heading downstairs.  
When you reached the gym, you found Bucky, his hair pulled up in ponytail, punching the daylights out of a punching bag, his anger and aggression poured out into the way he punched, angry and full of hatred, then slow and frustrated before he pushed it away and threw more angry punches at it. You stood and watched before he stopped to take a breather, gulping down water from his water bottle. His gaze landed on you and he stopped, setting down his water bottle,   
“Hey (Y/n)” he said as he began to unwrap the wraps on his hand.  
“Hi... sorry for intruding on your workout” You say  
“Nah, just letting off some steam, Steve showed me and I’ve taken to coming down here and having at it when I need to calm down or let out all my emotions” Bucky replied, grabbing a towel and wiping his sweaty face and hanging it around his neck. “Did you need something?” He asked   
“Oh, no… I just wanted to talk” You say quietly   
“Okay, what’d you want to talk about?” He asked, You’re surprised at his willingness but shrug it off and confide in him.   
“About my file, I know that’s all you found, but shouldn’t there be more? There was nothing about before. I don’t know why, but I feel like there should be more, or there is more and we haven’t found it” You tell him, playing with the hem of your shirt to distract yourself. Bucky was quiet for a moment before speaking,  
“I suppose it is possible, they might keep all your personal information in a different file, why I don’t know, they kept all mine together…” His voice trailed off as he thought.   
“I’m just wish I knew more” You tell him   
“I suppose we could look you up online and see if there is anything about you on there He said   
“The internet? What’s that?” You ask confused, Bucky smiled at your confusion.  
“I’ll show you, c’mon” He said taking your hand in his and leading you upstairs, now you were really confused.   
Bucky took you to the lab where Tony had given you your bracelet. He turned on a couple things and pressed a few buttons and a screen in front of you lit up, and the word Google showed up in front of you.   
“Google? What’s Google?” You ask  
“You can search and find anything on here” Bucky explained as he put in your name.  
“Oh, cool” You said sitting down in the chair next to Bucky. He frowned, looking at the search results, which said Your search- (Y/n) (L/n)- did not match any document.  
“That’s odd, there’s nothing here, not even other suggestions… It’s like you were erased from existence” He muttered, typing more words but still nothing. You frown watching the screen.  
“So they made it look like I never existed?” You ask   
“It looks like it, I’m sorry… There isn’t anything here” He told you and you sighed but flashed him a small smile.  
“It’s alright, thanks anyway” You whisper quickly kissing him on the cheek before rushing out of the lab, leaving Bucky dumbstruck.   
About a week and a half later…   
You stared at your closet in deep contemplation. Tony had declared there would be a party tonight at the old Avengers Tower, and though he and a few others had been hesitant of letting you go, Bucky convinced them to let you and now you weren’t sure what to wear, you’d never been to a party like this before, at least from what you could remember. According to Tony, it was going to be a legit party so dress to impress. You sighed, this seemed impossible without any knowledge on party going. You turned on your heel and left your room in search of help.  
You didn’t have to go very far, you found Wanda in the living room.  
“Hey, I need your help” you say   
“Sure, what do you need?” Wanda asked setting her book to the side.   
“I have no idea what to wear for Tony’s party” You admit shyly   
“No problem, I’ve only been to a few but Natasha will be able to help and you’ll look great” She said grabbing your hand and heading upstairs.   
Once you got Natasha’s help, they picked out a dress that was modest but still made you look great, with matching shoes. Wanda did your makeup and Natasha did your hair, fussing over little things you didn’t think really mattered, but actually did. Finally, after what seemed like forever, you were ready, and you sat watching the other two help each other get ready.   
“I never knew it took so much to get ready for a party” You say   
“Welcome to the club, I was totally clueless before the first party I went to, luckily Natasha has a knack for this stuff” Wanda told you as she twisted and pinned up her hair, letting several strands fall loose to make it look natural.   
Once they were ready, you headed downstairs were a limo sent by Tony was waiting. All the guys stood in their tuxes waiting for the three of you. When you entered, Bucky’s jaw dropped in awe. You blushed, it felt weird having someone oogle over you, it felt kind of nice though, the effort it took to get ready payed off. Bucky’s eyes watched you, taking every inch of you in like he couldn’t get enough. You flashed him a shy smile as you approached him.   
“Hi” You whisper   
“(Y/n)... You look absolutely gorgeous” He breathed taking your hand and kissing it like a gentleman, making you blush harder.   
“Thank you, you don’t look so bad yourself” You tell him and he grins taking your hand and leading you out to the limo.   
On the way there, everyone is laughing and telling jokes, teasing each other like they were family and not teammates. You smiled as you watched them, it felt sort of like home, though you couldn’t remember your actual home, this one seemed like a good substitute. You felt Bucky slide his hand into yours and clasp it gently, making you smile wider as you return the gesture.   
Once you reach the Avengers Tower, you stare at it in awe, it was tall and the whole thing was lit up. You’d never seen anything so big and bright before.   
“Wow” You breathe  
“Yeah, for Stark it’s either go big or go home” Bucky told you with a laugh as he helped you out of the limo. You caught Natasha’s eye as he did so and she winked at you, making you blush.   
Once inside, you couldn’t help stare. The place was huge and there was a ton of people, how did Tony know all these people? Everyone was talking, dancing and drinking, You felt a bit overwhelmed at it all but followed the others to the bar where drinks were passed around. You took a sip of the bubbly champagne and wrinkled your nose, it wasn’t the greatest taste in the world, but you didn’t drink alcohol. You sat in the corner by the bar watching as the others found people they knew or headed to the dance floor.  
You didn’t mind being alone, you preferred to watch the festivities and the magic of the party. Everyone was smiling and happy, an emotion that had been void in your life for who knows how long and it felt good to see it on people’s faces. You felt a hand on your arm and quickly turned to find Bucky smiling at you, drink in hand.   
“Hey, what’s a pretty lady like you doing alone in a corner?” He asked with grin and you feel the heat rise in your cheeks at his words.  
“They seem so happy and carefree” You reply still watching the large crowd of people.  
“Well, would you like to join them?” Bucky asked You look at shyly before nodding. Bucky took your drink from your hand and set it down, taking your hand and pulling you into the crowd and out into the equally crowded dance floor.   
“I-I don’t know how to dance” You stammer as he turns to you, pulling you close.   
“No problem, just follow my lead” He told you You look down at your feet, trying to copy his moves, but he gently tilts your head up to look at him.  
“Eyes on me doll, dancing is just a conversation between two people, talk to me” He told you (kudos to anyone who knows what movie that’s from) and You nod, blushing at the nickname he’d given you, doll? You move forward and back to the music, loosening up as you begin to get the hang of it. “There you go, you got it” Bucky encouraged you as you smiled up at him, You were actually enjoying yourself. You laughed as Bucky spun you and almost tripped and fell before Bucky caught you in his arms. You clutched his dress shirt, the jacket had been shed a few songs ago on the couch close by, You look as him still laughing as he helped you stand up, it felt so good to laugh.   
“You okay there doll?” He asked   
“Yeah” You nod “these heels are difficult to balance on” wobbling on unsteady feet to prove your point, You weren’t used to wearing heels. Bucky held onto your hand helping you over to couch and making you sit, before kneeling in front of you.   
“May I?” He asked and You nod slowly before he takes off your shoes and sets them under the couch so they’re just barely peeking out from underneath. “Better?” he asked as You stood.   
“Much better” you reply and Bucky smiles before leading you back into the large mass of sweaty, moving bodies.   
Several hours later…   
You sat on the couch next to Bucky, exhausted. You’d danced most of the night with Bucky and now you just wanted to go to bed and sleep for a long time. It was late and all the guests had gone home, besides all the Avengers. You sipped on your water, it felt refreshing after all the dancing and your body felt flushed and hot from it all. Now everyone sat on the circle of chairs and couches talking and snacking on the leftover hor dourves. You finished your water and licked your lips, still thirsty.   
You stood and headed to the kitchen, pouring yourself some more water from the pitcher in the fridge. You take another sip of water, tucking back a wisp of hair that had fallen from your updo while you’d been dancing. You turn to join the others when You hear a dull thud. Your head snaps to the other entrance into the kitchen. You hear it again and You glance back towards the living area before following the dull thudding noise down the hallway. As you turn the corner you hear voices, men, deep and gruff. You keep going when the lights suddenly went out. You stumble in the dark and grope at the air until you find the wall. You slowly edge along the wall until You run into a thick, muscular mass and look up to find one of them you’d heard.   
“Well boys, it looks like we got some company” He said as he pulls out a gun and you turn to run, screaming as he grabs your arm roughly. You wrench your arm free and take off down the hall ducking as a gun goes off behind you, a bullet whizzing past your head. You trip and fall in the dark and look up as the six beefy men surround you. You stand up and suddenly the world is spinning again and you don’t know if you’re going to make it out alive.  
Bucky’s P.O.V.  
Everyone had been laughing at Steve for his language, again when the lights went out. The room was filled with shouts and then a scream from far away resounded from somewhere in the tower and I knew something was wrong. I stood trying to make my way to the kitchen when a gun resounded and I went into full blown panic mode.  
“(Y/n)!” I yelled pushing past Tony and Scott and running towards where I’d heard the gunshot and scream, the flashing of the emergency lights my only light in the dark. I heard footsteps following me as I raced down the hall but I stopped short when I reached (Y/n). The sight that met our eyes was enough to shock us all into silence.


	6. chapter 6

Bucky’s P.O.V.  
(Y/n) was fighting six rather large men, well two now, the rest were down and out already. This wasn’t wimpy fighting either, this was full-blown assassin fighting like she’d been trained to do this her whole life and it came naturally, it was almost like she was in a trance. I watched in awe as she dodged every punch and kick and then got close enough to steal one of their hidden weapons from their body and use it against them.   
She took one of the agents arms and wrenched it back, dislocating it before hitting his pressure point, effectively knocking him out before grabbing the gun and twisting it out of the last man’s hands, plunging the knife in his shoulder before hitting him over the head with the butt of the gun and his body went limp, falling to floor. (Y/n) held the gun pointing it defensively at the men on the floor before her arm dropped and she seemed to snap out of it, breathing hard. (Y/n) looked at the gun and the men on the floor like she couldn’t believe what she was seeing and dropped the barrel of the gun, disabling it into three pieces as it dropped. She looked at her hands, her body shaking as she stumbled, slumping against the wall, breathing hard.  
I stepped forward, kneeling beside her as her breathing became more erratic.   
“Okay, okay.. It’s alright (Y/n)... Breathe, just breathe.” I told her as I glanced back at Steve, Natasha and Wanda, unsure of what to do.   
“Oh god, oh god… how… what…” She was hyperventilating now, hands pushing me away.   
“Where’s Sam? Someone get Sam” I told the others.   
“I’ll get him” Wanda said standing and running back to the living area.  
“Nononononono… don’t please…” Her pupils dilated and she gripped the fabric of my shirt, hands shaking uncontrollably.   
“(Y/n)?” I questioned her as she jolted and tried to escape, but I caught her body, spinning her so her back was against my chest as I held her body tightly to mine.   
“Stop… no, please… stop… no no no!” She was crying out and desperately trying to get escape my grip with no avail.   
“(Y/n)... (Y/n)... calm down, it’s okay, you’re okay” I whispered in her ear trying to calm her. “Where the heck is Sam?! Someone get him or help me” I shouted as (Y/n) thrashed in my grip, pounding her fists against my arms, sobbing as her chest heaved with the effort.   
“Buck, I think we need to sedate her” Steve said kneeling beside me as I tried to calm (Y/n).  
“She doesn’t like needles” I reminded him  
“I know, but she’s not calming down and we need to figure what exactly just happened and how” He told me and I sighed, knowing he was right.   
“Okay, fine” I said still holding tightly to her body.   
“Here” Natasha was beside us, pulling out a kit and handing me the syringe.   
“I’m sorry” I whisper before I plunge the needle into her neck and her body jolts again before going limp in my arms. I drop the syringe and slowly lay her on the floor, her hair a messy halo around her head.   
“Let’s get her back to Hq” Steve said and I nodded lifting her effortlessly, following the others out to the limo.  
Your P.O.V.  
You slowly opened your eyes, groaning at the bright light that shone through. When you opened your eyes fully, you found yourself in a hospital bed, a hospital gown in place of your party dress and luckily no needles in sight. ‘What on earth happened?’ You think as the door opens to reveal Sam and Steve.   
“Hey, how are you feeling?” Sam asked sitting down one of the chairs next to your bed.   
“Okay… What happened?” You asked  
“Well, you brought down six rather large Hydra agents-” Steve starts to explain but you cut him off.  
“No… I remember that part… how did I end up here?” You ask and Steve and Sam exchange glances before Sam spoke.   
“You had a panic attack, You weren’t all there and Bucky tried to hold you down and calm you, but that didn’t work so we had to sedate you” He explained slowly “Then you were brought here and we ran some tests and took a blood sample while you were out”   
“So I didn’t feel anything?” You ask  
“Nope, you were out like a light” You nod a bit relieved that you weren’t awake for that part.   
“So, how exactly did I take down those men?” You ask  
“We’re not entirely sure yet, but our guess is one of the drugs Hydra gave you when you were being tested on” Steve told you “we’ll see for sure when your blood tests come back”  
“Okay, and until then?” You ask  
“There’s not much else to do but wait” Sam said with a sigh “But it shouldn’t be long”   
“Then can I get out of here?” You ask  
“Yep, you’re all clear” Steve told you and you smiled when Friday spoke up from the ceiling.   
“Sam, you mother is on the line, shall I hold?”   
“Oh, yeah… I forgot to call her the other day” He groaned “Tell her I’ll be right there Friday” he waved at you and Steve before running off. Steve laughed,  
“His mother insists he call her once a week to catch up with her and tell her he’s okay, ease her conscience and all and if he doesn’t she calls Hq” He explained to you  
“Must be nice” You said   
“I suppose, I miss my mother… haven’t seen her since she died before the war” Steve told you, a sad shadow passing over his face.  
“At least you remember your mother” you tell him   
“Right, sorry” He apologized   
“It’s okay, it’s not so bad when you’re with people who’ve lost loved ones or have forgotten them” You said “Speaking of which, where’s Bucky?”   
“Oh, I think he’s sleeping… he didn’t get much of it last night” Steve told you and nodded, feeling a bit guilty that Bucky hadn’t gotten much sleep because of you.   
“He’s doing better you know” You looked up at Steve  
“What?”   
“He’s been doing better since you came here, better sleep, less nightmares, he’s been more happy”   
“Really?”   
“Yeah, I can tell the difference, I think because it gives him someone to worry about and watch out for, not that he doesn’t do that for me, but before I was given the serum, I was a scrawny, sick thing and was always putting up a fight with anyone and everyone and he always had my back. Now, he still covers my butt when I do something rash and stupid, but it’s not the same, I think he actually likes having someone to watch out for” Steve told you.   
“So he wears himself out a lot when he’s worried about someone he cares for?” You ask  
“Yeah, you should’ve seen him when I had pneumonia… I was out for over a month and he barely left my side, that was after ma died so I didn’t have anyone else, I almost died and he socked me in the arm good after I was all better, telling me not to scare him like that ever again. I knew he was just covering up how scared he had been, so I didn’t mind”   
“So he doesn’t remember any of your childhood together?”  
“More than he did when he first came here, but it’s getting a lot better” Steve told you   
“That’s great” You smile, Bucky deserved to remember  
“Yeah…” Steve is quiet for a moment before speaking. “Thank you”   
“For what?” You ask  
“For helping him, I know you feel like you didn’t do anything, but you’re doing a lot more than I’ve been doing and I wanted to thank you for that” He said. You blush,  
“You’re welcome” You reply flashing a small smile.  
“Well, you’re clothes on on the chair, I’ll leave so you can change” He says before leaving, looking a bit shy and flustered after opening his heart to you about Bucky.  
You stand and change into the t-shirt and comfy sweatpants with socks before heading to your room to sort out your thoughts about everything.   
On your way to your room, you stop at Bucky’s door and take a peek in his room, glancing at his frame curled up, facing the door, one arm tucked under the pillow, his metal one draped over the covers, sleeping soundly. Smiling to yourself, you shut the door quietly and enter your room down the hall.   
Once in your room, you curl up on the bed, wrapping a blanket over your frame. You grab a book from your nightstand and crack it open, Steve had taken you down to Tony’s huge library to give you something to do in your spare time. You’d picked out several that looked good, but your favorite at the moment was (f/b/n) and you were absolutely devouring it. As you read, the words began to blur together and you struggled to stay awake, until finally the words all ran together and you fell asleep.  
A couple hours later…  
You woke to Bucky gently shaking you awake,   
“(Y/n)... hey, (Y/n)... wake up” He said You groan and press your face into the pillows.  
“But I don’t want to…” You groan back at him  
“I think you’ll want to, they got your blood work back” He told you and You spring up from the bed.  
“They did?” You ask, desperately trying to fix your messy hair.   
“Yeah, they sent me to come get you” Bucky replied  
“Okay, okay… yeah, everything’s going to be fine… I’ll be okay” You tell yourself aloud.  
“Alright, calm down doll… take a couple deep breathes, everything’s going to okay” Bucky said  
“But what if it isn’t?” You asked  
“Then we’ll get through it, you’re not alone” He told you. You smiled,   
“Thanks Bucky” You whispered giving him a quick hug before heading for the door, Bucky close behind.   
When you enter the meeting room, the others looked uneasy.  
“What? What is it?” You ask  
“(Y/n)... You may want to sit down for this” Tony told you.


	7. chapter 7

Your P.O.V.  
You sat down at the table, running your sweaty palms up and down your thighs as you tried to calm your nerves, Bucky grabbing your hand and taking it in his, flashing a reassuring smile at you. Tony pulled out a manila folder and waited until everyone was quiet until he spoke.   
“Okay, well… to start off, your blood definately isn’t clean” He told you  
“What do you mean?” You ask, turning when Helen Cho spoke up.  
“Well, from what we’ve gotten so far, some type of highly advanced drug has been put in your body and to put it simply, enhanced it or at least, given you abilities you shouldn’t have. It’s weird too, it’s not just in your blood, it’s mixed into your dna and cells and changed them, the should look like this” Helen Cho pulled up a picture of normal blood cells “But they’re actually like this” another picture popped up, with totally different looking cells and dna.  
“But how is this possible?” You asked  
“We’re not entirely sure, it’s hard to tell, but there are some traces of the super soldier serum given to Hydra victim #1, but there’s something else in it that we’ve never seen before and we’re trying to figure out what it is” Tony said  
“Do you think it could be dangerous to her body?” Steve asked   
“We don’t know, that’s why we need to figure out what was in the drug, or better yet, what the drug is” Helen replied  
“What about her memories?” Bucky spoke up  
“Well, I suppose we’ll have to wait until they start returning like yours did” Tony replied  
“But hers haven’t returned at all yet, mine started returning not long after I escaped Hydra, granted Steve helped with that, but still… What if the drug they gave her is preventing her from remembering?” Bucky asked. The room was silent as everyone let his question sink in. After a while, Sam spoke  
“Alright look, we can’t base any of this on what ifs or maybes. It’s stressful enough that (Y/n) has an unknown drug in her body. Let’s figure out what actually is in her before you do anything else”   
“I agree with Sam, but what do we do in the meantime?” Steve asked   
“Wanda and I could take her down to the training room, we could see what she’s got and what she can handle, get a hold on her powers” Natasha said   
“Okay, while you guys do that, the rest of us will look into old Hydra records and see if we missed anything, there has to be more on this” Steve said.   
“Sounds good to me” Sam said   
“I’m game” Scott spoke up from his phone, Clint nodding in agreement.  
“Then it’s settled, you guys get to work on that and we’ll see what (Y/n)’s got” Natasha said as everyone stood. You were about to follow Natasha and Wanda when an arm touched yours.  
“Hey, you okay?” Bucky asked   
“Yeah, a little overwhelmed, but I’m good” You tell him  
“You sure?”   
“Yeah, I just… it’s a lot to take in”   
“Alright… don’t be afraid to show them what you’ve got”   
“I won’t… and thanks” You tell him  
“No problem” He whispers as he pulls you into a quick hug. You smiled and turned, running to catch up with Natasha and Wanda.  
Down in the training room(s)...  
You stood in capri length exercise pants and a t-shirt, tennis shoes on your feet as you bounced on your toes trying to calm your nerves.   
“Okay, so first, we’ll have you fight a dummy, with weapons, then one without weapons, we’ll watch to get a glimpse of what you can and can’t do” Natasha told you  
“You don’t have to demolish it either, just incapacitate it” Wanda said and you nod.  
“Okay, there are several different weapons set out in the area, you can use whatever you’d like to your advantage” Natasha said pressing a button and a human like dummy approached you. “Okay, (Y/n)... you can do this you can-” All your thoughts melted away as the dummy approached, stabbing it’s knife at you. You take a step back and grab a hand knife from behind you, flipping and twirling it in your fingers before the world spins again and you’re in the zone, unaware of your actions, or what’s going around you, all you know is you’re being attacked and you’re protecting yourself. It seems like forever when you finally snap out of it, looking down to find a pipe in your hand.  
You turn to Natasha and Wanda, barely winded as you drop the pipe. They stared at you and then at each other.  
“What?” You ask  
“That was- wow” Wanda breathed   
“You took him down in less than five minutes” Natasha told you  
“Really? It felt like eternity” You said   
“You’re not even winded, you fight like you’ve been doing this every day of your life… it’s so natural” Wanda says. You shrugged,  
“It feels natural, but it’s odd… my body takes over my actions and mind… I don’t even think, I just do. It’s like my body knows what to do, but I don’t…” You try to explain to them.  
“Well, you did a great job with weapons, now let’s try without weapons” Natasha said, pressing a button, making the dummy disappear and a new one enter.   
You let it approach you before it starts throwing punches, and then you’re gone again, the world is spinning and You’re not aware of what you’re doing or how, but you’re fighting like you’ve done this your whole life, without hesitation or uncertainty.   
This time when you snap out of it, you’re on the ground, legs around the dummy’s neck. You loosen your grip and stand, not a hint of exhaustion on your face. You shake your head a little to get rid of the dazed feeling before turning to Natasha and Wanda, who look a little shocked.  
“I take it I did okay?” You say   
“Okay? That was better than okay… You were using Black Widow moves. How did you do that?” Wanda asked   
“I-I don’t know” You tell her honestly, you didn’t even know what a Black Widow move was.   
“Well, I rarely say this, but I am impressed… you got my moves down pat” Natasha said   
“Those are your moves?” You said   
“I was the one who perfected those moves” She said with a smirk  
“Wow” You breathed  
“Well, you did great, now let’s see what weapons you know how to use”  
“Okay…” You agreed following them to the weapons area.  
Meanwhile in the records room…   
Bucky’s P.O.V.  
I sighed shifting through old Hydra files, searching for any unknown drugs or classified files that might not have been put in the Hydra computer files, which Tony was looking through. So far there wasn’t any info to be found.   
“Okay, this is pointless, how could there be nothing on this drug? I mean there HAS to be something” Clint said   
“I don’t know, but if there is nothing on this drug, then Hydra’s got to be hiding something from us, something big, why else would they be keeping this drug such a big secret?” Sam asked   
“Because knowing Hydra, they’ve always got something up their sleeves to use against us, and the sooner we find out the better it is for everyone” Steve said   
“What I don’t get is why (Y/n) was the only one we’d found at the Hydra base, there had to be more test subjects” Rhodey said, he’d joined us a while ago after returning from some military duty thing.   
“Or why there was barely anything in her file we found” Vision added   
“None of this is makes sense, what exactly is Hydra hiding from us this time?” Clint asked with a huff, slouching in a chair as he pushed away the box full of files.  
“Whatever it is, it can’t be good” Steve said with a sigh, setting aside another box.   
“You know they really-” Scott is cut off when his cell phone begins ringing. He pulls it out, looking at it. “Ooh… I have to take this…” He said pointing a finger to the hallway. I sighed again looking back at the files when a something catches my eye. Pulling out from the other files, I set the rest down before I began to read, my eyes scanning the page frantically, then something clicked and I looked up at the others.   
“I think I found something” I said   
“What is it?” Steve asked   
“A lead” I reply “Get everyone back to the meeting room”. The others looked at each other before following after me. I didn’t mean to be rude, but this was the breakthrough we’d been looking for and anything that moved us closer to figure out what Hydra was planning was a step in the right direction, I just hoped this what we needed.


	8. chapter 8

Bucky’s P.O.V.  
Once I reached the meeting room, I stood at the head of the table and waited for everyone else to arrive. Everyone was giving me questioning looks as they entered, but I ignored them. I needed to concentrate on the matter at hand. Once everyone was here I opened the file, swallowing thickly.   
“I found a file with some important information about the drug, or at least something that has to do with the drug.” I gazed at them silently before continuing to speak. “When Hydra still had me, I don’t know how long ago, I remember they sent me to different places for parts of a whole mission, but it wasn’t to kill, it was to steal. I wasn’t just stealing anything, I think I was stealing the components for the drug given to (Y/n).”  
The room was silent as my words sunk in before everyone began speaking at once, to me and to each other. I stood quietly until Tony spoke up.  
“Wait, how do you know?”  
“Because” I said opening the file, “this file has all the locations where I went, it all clicked and I remembered when I saw it” I handed it to Steve.  
“Mission for Project’s components complete. Asset successful in retrieving the constituents for new project. Asset reported back to base in Siberia. Phase 1 is a success, Phase 2 is in effect, the new test subject will be brought to our base in far eastern Russia... ” Steve’s voice trailed off as his eyes continued down the paper.  
“It’s a mission report” Clint said. Steve nodded,  
“Yeah, all the places where the components for the drug were taken are listed here”. (Y/n) looked pale as her brain comprehended what Steve had told us.   
“What now?” Wanda asked  
“Now, we go look for a Hydra base in Siberia” Steve said   
“Alright! Road trip” Scott cheered, trying to be enthusiastic. I rolled my eyes as Sam spoke up.   
“Will we need everyone?”  
“No, I think some of us should stay here, maybe try to find information on what Buck stole from the different locations” Steve replied   
“I can look into that” Tony offered  
“Okay, who’s staying and who’s coming with?”   
“I’ll go” Sam said  
“Me too” Scott added  
“I’m game” Clint said  
“Nat? Wanda?” Steve asked   
“I’ll go” Natasha said “Wanda?”  
“I can go, I guess” Wanda said   
“Naw, I’ve got some stuff to take care of here” Rhodey said with a sigh, he looked tired.   
“Buck?” Steve asked turning to me. I nodded, if I’d been there before it might spark a memory, plus any excuse to hit Hydra is a good excuse.   
“Alright then, it’s settled, suit up and we’ll move out in 15” Steve said and everyone stood and headed to locker rooms to get ready. (Y/n) hadn’t moved from her chair and I stopped by her.   
“Hey, you okay?” I asked   
“Yeah, it’s just a lot of information in one day…”  
“You gonna be okay?”   
“Yeah, I just need to take a nap, let everything process in my mind” She told me   
“You’ll be okay, We’ll find out what Hydra’s up to and put a stop to it”  
“Thanks Bucky” She said   
“No problem… I better go, I’ll see you later doll” I said quickly leaning down and kissing her cheek before leaving the room, smiling a bit at how bold I’d been.   
Your P.O.V.  
You sat curled up on the couch, still blushing from Bucky’s kiss on your cheek as you stared absentmindedly at the tv, an infomercial on tv that you weren’t really paying attention to but there wasn’t much else on. As time goes on, your mind drifts to Bucky, kind and caring despite his rough exterior and shady past and you fall into a peaceful sleep.   
You opened your eyes to find yourself standing in a room, dark and cold. There’s a odd sound resounding through the room, it sounded like someone was whispering, but it was louder and echoing, certain words and phrases standing out. You closed your eyes shut, covering your ears as you tried to shake away the awful noise. The scene changed before you and Bucky was in front of you, locked in a chair as he screamed in pain, panting heavily. A man spoke words in russian you somehow understood.   
“Желание. Проржавевший. Семнадцать. Рассвет. Печь. Девять. Доброкачественный. возвращение домой. Один. грузовой автомобиль.солдат?”   
“готовы соблюдать” Bucky replied   
“I have a mission for you” Then scene changed abruptly and flashes of Bucky in pain, screaming as he was tortured and they took away his memories surrounded you. In the background, you somehow heard names being repeated, reciting them over and over like a prayer, a cry for help lost in the insanity. You trembled as your realized Bucky was the one repeating all the names.   
“Bucky? Bucky where are you? It’s okay” You try to reassure him, though you don’t know if he can hear you or not.   
“He can’t hear you dear, he’s too far gone, the wound goes to deep for him to heal fully. Just leave him, the future is coming, a new age and we must be prepared. Get ready for a new age of Hydra”   
“What? Who are you? What are you talking about?”   
“All in good time dear, all in good time…”   
“What about Bucky? I won’t leave him, he doesn’t deserve to be alone, he needs to loved and cared for like a human being! He needs me an-and I need him” You admit out loud to the man. He just chuckled at your outburst, like he was glad you’d said so.   
“You’ll find out soon enough, everything’s about to change and there’s nothing you or any of your petty friends can do about it” He said and then there was darkness.   
Bucky’s P.O.V.   
I held my assault rifle close, trained on and wary of anything and everything. We’d split up to cover more ground, the cold abandoned base was rather large, I remembered small snippets of memories from this horrid place seep through my mind but I push it away, continuing forward until I reach a door. I slowly, without a noise, open it reveal an office, neat as pin, like it’d never been touched. I stepped forward, lowering my rifle as I glanced around. Opening the desk drawers, I found nothing but office supplies. There was nothing on the desk but an ancient computer, with bullet holes in the screen.   
Turning to the filing cabinets, I began to sift through the papers and files, nothing of remote interest until a flash of red caught my eye, and I pulled out a file. The file was illegible, a foreign language or code I couldn’t understand on the front. Opening it, I flip through the papers inside, all with the same encryption, no english or other recognizable language. I look through the other files by it but none of the others had this code.   
“Steve, I think I found something” I said into my earpiece  
“What do you got?” Steve asked  
“A file, encrypted, it looks important”   
“Okay, bring it back to the quinjet, there isn’t much else here, so that may be our only lead”  
“Got it” I reply, turning to leave, the file in hand when a piercing noise hits my ears and I groan, putting my hands over my ears, growling at the loud, annoyingly high pitched sound.   
“Sergeant Barnes…” a voice whispered  
“What? Who said that?” I ask   
“You don’t know me, but all in good time you’ll see”   
“What are you talking about? Who are you?”   
“There soon will be an end to the Avengers and there is nothing you can do to stop it”  
“Over my dead body” I snap   
“I’m glad you’re so willing to die for your team mates soldier, a new age is upon us and one of you has to be the first to fall. The new fists of Hydra will not be so easily shaken from their roots, you will meet your demise Asset, and the rest will follow” He said and there was nothing but pain, exploding in my head, pounding against my skull, unbearable and shocking my brain into overdrive.   
I scream, dropping to my knees as I grab my head in pain, trying to stop it. I crying out as the pain engulfs me and I’m on the ground, shaking with fear. I pound my fists on the floor, screaming and crying out. All I can feel is white hot pain in my head, taking control of my body. I vaguely hear Steve’s voice over the noise in my head.   
The world is moving in slow motion and my eyelids feel heavy. I try to stand but it hurts to even think, I attempt to fight it, but it’s no use so I succumb to it and then my eyes close, someone is calling name and snippets of my past, my memories, are flashing by my line of vision and I’m watching in shock and fear as they disappear in front of my eyes, I’m desperately reaching for them, and then my eyes roll back into my head, my body is floating into the abyss and there is nothing.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay… so I’m FINALLY after so so sooooo long I’m posting this… I’m really really sorry for the delay… I started it then I got writer’s block, then I was really busy and had no time and I wrote little by little but then kept getting stumped but I finally I finished it and here it is!!! I hope you enjoy it!!!!

Your P.O.V.   
You jolted out of your sleep with a start, shivering with a cold sweat as you tried to catch your breath. Panting, you looked around in a daze, shaking away sleep and a bit of dizziness. Shaking your head, you tried to push away your nightmare, the man sinister voice echoing in your mind. As you stood, Friday’s voice sounded through the building.“Helen Cho to medical, Helen Cho to medical please” You frowned. That could only mean one thing: Someone had been hurt on the mission.   
You quickly take the elevator up to the medical wing, stopping when you see Bucky being rushed in on a gurney, eyes closed and body limp, Steve racing after them with fear in his eyes. You gasp in fear as you watch, following closely behind until they go through the white doors and some of the nurses refuse to let you and the others past.  
“What happened?” You asked the others  
“I don’t know… One minute he was telling us he found a file the next he was screaming. When we got there he was on the ground writhing in pain and screaming as he held his head, we managed to sedate him and Steve wasn’t too happy about that” Sam told you  
“The weird part is that he didn’t even acknowledge that we were there and he was screaming like someone was hurting him but there was no one, all I saw in his head was pain and he was yelling at someone to make it stop, to get it out” Wanda said. You frowned biting your lip in frustration, what could’ve happened? A million questions raced through your mind as Scott’s cell rang.   
“Hello? Yeah, Maggie… Oh. Yeah that was today… You’re there now? Okay. Okay-sorry, sorry. I’ll be there soon, okay yep-see ya soon” Scott hung up with a sigh but looked giddy. “I’ve got to go, I totally forgot today was the day Maggie and Paxton were bringing Cassie here”   
“You forgot? How could you forget? You’ve been non stop talking about her coming here and you forget?” Sam asked   
“Shut up man, I was a little preoccupied” Scott retorted   
“Just go Scott” Wanda sighed, ignoring their bickering. Scott grinned in thanks and took off down the hallway.   
“Where’s Natasha and Clint?” you asked   
“Natasha is taking the encrypted file Bucky found to Tony to get decoded and Clint is somewhere… Probably for a nap” Sam explained  
“Let’s go down to the kitchen while we wait for news on Barnes. I can make some lemonade” Wanda said casting a wary glance at the doors leading to the med bay.   
Once downstairs, Sam and Wanda quickly changed and met you in the kitchen as you pulled out cups for the lemonade. The kitchen is quiet until Sam spoke up.  
“So, (Y/n)… I see our very own winter soldier is starting to take interest in you” he started, observing you quietly as he sipped his lemonade.   
“Subtle Sam” Wanda sighed rolling her eyes at the bluntness of Sam’s accusation.   
“Uhm… well..” You blushed, unsure of what to say, you did have feelings for Bucky, but you hardly had any idea how to deal with them and what to do about it.   
“Ahh… She’s blushing… Something’s up” Sam grinned  
“Well, nothing is really ‘up’ as you put it, he hasn’t put the moves on me or whatever that means… He’s just really kind and caring towards me. I really appreciate his understanding and what he does for me” You tried to put off Sam, failing miserably. Sam laughed.   
“Hun, have you noticed that you’re the only one he does that with? He always fights with me, Tony isn’t partial to him, though he made him a new arm. Steve is his best friend, but he’s still confused and doesn’t remember everything… the list goes on. He’s closest with you” Sam told you  
“But… wha-I” You fumbled for words, realizing it was true.   
“You should talk to him, once he’s better. Or when he’s stable in the med bay you could go to him and be there for him” Wanda suggested   
“I dunno… I don’t know how to be in a relationship and even if I have before all this, I don’t remember”   
“So? Bucky’s got the same problem” Sam argued as You sighed, still unsure “It’s not as easy as that Sam” Wanda said  
“Sure it is, they’ll be learning together” He countered. Wanda rolled her eyes at his words  
“Sam, stop talking”  
“I’m just saying if they have feelings for each other they might as well go for it”   
“I’ll think about it” You tell him, setting your glass in the sink to be washed later before bidding them goodbye. You could hear a slap and Wanda reprimanding Sam, curses in her native language mixing in with english.   
You went to your room sighing as you look around the room, you still felt exhausted and you couldn’t help but worry over Bucky’s condition. You flop on your bed with a huff and curl up against the warm blankets in defeat, sleep won out over your worry and you silently hoped he would be okay before drifting back to sleep.   
When you woke the sun was going down and you stretched your still sleepy and sluggish body with a yawn. You shiver despite the warm room and grab a blanket, wrapping it over your shoulders before shuffling downstairs. You head straight into the kitchen, your stomach growling in hunger as you realize you haven’t eaten since breakfast. You rummage through the cupboards, settling for some crackers and apple juice, sitting down at the counter and snacking on them. As you ate you heard laughter from the living room and- was that a child’s voice? Frowning, you left your snack on the counter and creep cautiously into the living room. This was a new one for you, you don’t ever remember being around children and honestly didn’t know what to do. As you entered, the others looked up and Scott stood, a giddy look on his face.   
“(Y/n)! I’d like you to meet my daughter, Cassie”   
“Hi!” Cassie waved at me, a toothless smile on her face as she grabbed your hand and pulled you towards the couch.   
“Hi” You whispered as she began to talk a mile a minute about princesses or something like that as You settled on the couch next to her. You listened intently, trying to keep up with her fast-paced chatter, her smile brightening the room as she held your hand and snuggled into her father’s side. You eventually ended up with her in your lap, braiding her hair even though you didn’t remember knowing how to braid and the familiar feeling of doing this to someone else a long time ago couldn’t be brushed off.   
Once the pizzas arrived everyone migrated to the kitchen, the chaos of a large group of (mostly) superheroes snatching up any piece of pizza they could get their hands on while simultaneously making sure Cassie got settled and everyone else got enough to eat. You’d grabbed enough to sustain your hunger and sat on a kitchen stool in the corner watching everyone interact like one big family with a smile on your face at their familial antics but a feeling of remorse and wanting left you feeling confused on the inside. If this was so unfamiliar why was there an ache in your heart like you were missing something? It was so frustrating trying to remember when you nothing to help you recall your memories. You finished off your pizza in record time and set aside your plate before slipping out the door and heading upstairs to the medical wing. You didn’t care if you got teased by Sam later, you had to at least see if he’s okay.   
You sneak past the nurses and into Bucky’s private room, not bothering with the light switch as the sunset shone into his window and lit onto his body that was now in sweats but still seemed to show off his muscular body. Sitting down in the chair next to him, clench your hands, anxious and unsure what to do. You put out a hand to touch him but jolt away as the sound of something dropping outside his room let’s out a big bang and startles you. You pull away from him, quickly glancing at the door to see if anyone was coming before turning back to Bucky. You extended your fingers to his hand, slowly slipping it into his until you had a soft grip on it. Unsure of yourself, you run your thumb over his knuckle, peeking at his face, lax and content. You smile and scoot closer to the bed, tucking your legs up onto the chair. You cautiously reach out to brush a soft lock of his brown hair hair out of his face. You hesitate before opening your mouth, it was now or never.  
“H-hi Bucky… It’s (Y/n) uh-well you probably know that but I-I just want to say thank you for all that you’ve been doing for me. I-I don’t know anyone and you trusted me and convinced others to trust me and I’m really grateful so thank you” You pause, unsure when Bucky’s body jolts and You snatch back your hand as his body trembles. Eyes wide with fear you slowly approach and place a hand on each side of his face.   
“Bucky…” no response  
“Bucky please listen” You whisper, your voice urgent. “Please please listen… I don’t know what happened, but we-I need you, okay? Everyone here cares for you, and so do I… Just please please be okay” You whisper, kissing his forehead tenderly as you slipped your arms under his buff figure and hug him close, rocking your body as tears slip from your eyes and into his shirt. You slowly feel his body begin to relax under your touch and his body goes lax before moving and wrapping his arms around your torso. You startle at his touch and look up straight into Bucky’s confused eyes as they become soft with worry at the sight of your tears.   
“Hey doll, what’s the matter?” Bucky asks as he uses one arm to sit himself up and the other still around your waist, somehow pulling you into his lap.   
“Bucky… Y-you’re awake” You almost start crying again in relief.  
“Yeah, I’m awake, are you okay? What happened?”  
“I-I’m not sure… I think you were having a nightmare or something… Your body was shaking” You tell him. Bucky was silent.  
“Bucky? What happened on the mission?”   
“I’d found the intel and I was about to head back but there was a sudden high-pitched sound and a voice… a horrible voice that told me the Avengers would end, something about Hydra and a new age, and then there was pain… nothing but vibrating, horrible pain in my head. That’s all I remember” you stare at him in shock.   
“What is it doll?”  
“Nothing” You put off telling him you had a similar dream until he was out of medical and wouldn’t try and break out and figure out what was going on, he already looked panicked. You brush out his hair out his face, but Bucky was too lost in thought to notice.   
“Are you okay?”Bucky seemed to snap out of it and looked down at you.  
“Yeah doll, I’m fine… Are you okay? You didn’t answer me before”  
“I’m alright…”  
“You didn’t seem alright”  
“I was worried about you, no one knew what happened” You admit, ducking your head as you blushed.  
“Doll…” You don’t respond, too nervous to meet his gaze. Bucky’s fingers tip your chin up to look at him  
“Hey… it’s okay… I’m okay…”   
“Bucky” You whisper as he brushed away tears that you hadn’t realized had fallen  
“Shh… doll” He took your face in his hands and pressed a quick, gentle kiss to your lips. You freeze and he pulls away quickly letting go of you.  
“I’m sorry- that was stupid… I shouldn’t be forcing you into anything, I-”   
“No Bucky, it’s alright” you whisper, gripping the fabric of his t-shirt in your hand to keep him from pulling away.   
“Are you sure?”   
“All I know is you make me feel like everything’s going to be okay and that I can trust you” You tell him  
“Okay” he sighed pulling you fully into his lap until you sat bridal style in lap, head on his shoulder, arms around his torso.   
“Okay” you whisper back  
“Shh…” You hear Bucky whisper and you fall asleep in his arms to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.   
Unknown P.O.V.   
“She did WHAT?!” A loud hellish shriek of anger echoed through the hideout and a table was flipped over in uncontrollable anger.   
“S-she broke the mind control you put on the soldier sir…” the new intern that had brought the news shook in his boots as he watched his superior take his anger out on anything in reach.   
“But HOW?! That little tramp is better than we thought! This complicates things…” he growled as he began to pace, muttering in his native language.  
“ Sir I-”   
“Shut up before I have you fired! Go prep the team, tell them to be ready to leave in two hours, I want Project 247 back here alive in twenty four hours or less”  
“Yessir” the intern scuttled out without a second glance  
“Everything must go according to plan… if she fails… she dies… You have orders to kill her if anything goes wrong” He turns as a tall, lurking figure steps out of the dark  
“Are your orders clear Agent Mortem?”   
“Yes Sir”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked it, sorry if it was crappy, but yay a kiss finally! Sorry about any errors in my writing and please let me know if any links etc aren’t working or if you’d like to be tagged. Feedback is greatly appreciated!!!! Thanks so much for being patient and understanding, I love you all!!!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ******A/N PLEASE READ********* Hey what's this??? An update after over a year of nothing??? I apologize to all of you lovely, dedicated followers of this story, first of all, it probably would've been posted sooner, but my drive with all my works was somehow deleted and with it the beginnings of this chapter, everything I was working on, stories, blurbs, everything was gone and I cried myself to sleep for about a week I was so upset. Then, I started college last fall and I also now have two jobs so with all that going on it's hard to get anything else done. I had a totally different beginning before it was deleted but I couldn't remember most of it so I scrapped it and came up with something else. Anyway, enjoy the chapter!!!

Warning: Lil bit of "swearing" Graphicish fighting/injuries and blood, sewing up of wounds etc. I looked up what I could on the Google, the rest I kind of just winged so I apologize for errors and wrong information etc.

Your P.O.V.  
You jolted awake from a peaceful slumber on a certain, rather comfy super soldier by a loud incessant blaring noise echoing throughout the whole compound. Rubbing your eyes you realized something was horribly wrong as people rushed past the room you were in shouting. Bucky shifted underneath you and as he came to his full senses, he tensed and protectively pulled you closer. The frown on his face made you nervous as he stood, setting you on your own two feet, grabbing the pile of clothes and pair of shoes that Steve must've left there, Bucky quickly changed.  
"C'mon doll," he said softly, grabbing your hand as he pulled you into the chaotic halls. Eyes quick and calculating, Bucky weaved his way through the agents rushing about, so in the mode and focused he almost ran over Scott.   
"Scott, what's going on? What happened?" Bucky demanded  
"It's Hydra," Scott replied, "they somehow found our private base and are attacking." Bucky's face hardened and his grip tightened on your hand.   
"Where are the others?" Bucky asked  
"Some of us are helping to evacuate and save any data and files and the others are fighting I was on my way to help-," Scott is cut off by an explosion in the side of the building. Your hand slips from Bucky's during the explosion and you feel yourself fall several levels the one you were on.   
Coughing from the dust in your lungs, you struggle to get up, groaning in pain from falling and the small glass shards from the window embedded in your arms and legs. A voice crying out for help snaps you out of your daze and you look up, trying to locate the voice. They call out again and pulling yourself up, you stumble towards it, calling back to them as you use the wall for support. Pushing away a fallen door, you find Cassie unharmed but trapped underneath a fallen shelf.   
"Cassie" you breathe kneeling with some difficulty next to her.   
"(Y/n).." the frightened girl whimpered

"Shh... I'll get you out," You promise, standing up and with all your might, you lift the shelf as much as you could so that Cassie could slip out. You let the shelf drop with a sigh of relief as Cassie clings to you in fright. 

"Where's my daddy?" She asked tears threatening to spill from her big brown eyes.

"I don't know, but we're going to get out of here and then we'll find him, okay?" You sigh in relief as she silently agrees and takes your hand as you head to the closest exit. As you make your way down the stairs, you reach the level right above ground level and you release a breath because you're almost there when gunshots and shouts pull you out of your concentration and you turn to find Hydra agents pointing and running towards you. You gasp and clutching Cassie's hand in yours, you pull Cassie down the last flight of stairs. You reach the main floor safely, but the exit is across the long hallway. Huffing you pull Cassie towards it, breaking into a sprint as the sounds around you become muffled and you turn back to see the agents following after, firing at both of you, the sound of bullets muffled in your ears. You turn to look at Cassie only for the image of her to flash in front of you and you see another little girl clutching your hand and running like deja vu but as soon as the image is there it's gone and Cassie is the little girl clutching your hand and you're running towards the exit as everything snaps back into focus and you have to shake away the image as you push open the doors and run outside to a bleak image of the Avengers fighting Hydra agents and most of the compound in ruins. The agents that were after you are still following and others turned their attention to you as you make a quick decision. 

Pulling Cassie towards the group of agents evacuating the scientists and workers from the compound, You hand Cassie to them and hug her tightly

"Stay with them until you find your dad okay? They'll protect you and keep you safe." Cassie nods in understanding as you turn to the agent holding Cassie's hand.

"Keep her safe, she's Ant Man's daughter." You explain before turning and running with no plan other than to lure them away from the compound and your friends and Bucky.

Panting, you run through the woods towards the highway. As you run, your vision blurs as flashes of a similar situation from long ago appear. A little girl with red curls clutching your hand and a worn out looking bunny in the other as you run, fear coursing through your veins as a young boy, a little older than the girl runs alongside you, you felt an overwhelming fierceness to protect them as you ran, urging them to keep going. Shots ring out and you pull them behind the trees for cover, their screams echoing in your ears as you jolt back to the present, tripping over a rock and collapsing on your hands and knees on the ground. You paused to take a breath, grimacing at the grime on your hands mixing with the blood from the glass cuts from earlier. Shouts from behind you force you to get up and start running. 

You finally reach the highway and someone calls your name, urgency in their voice. You turn to see Bucky on a motorcycle, racing towards you with determination in his eyes. You take a step towards him only to cry out as a bullet pierces your left shoulder and you gasp in pain, falling to your knees on the ground. With a cry of rage, Bucky brings the bike to a stop and kneels beside you as he cocks his gun. 

"Are you okay?" He asks, worry evident in his voice 

"Mhm" You nod, grimacing as you realize the bullet hasn't gone through and is still wedged into your shoulder. Bucky cursed under his breath when he saw, muttering something in Russian.

"Okay, just hang tight doll, I'll take care of you" Bucky promised, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear before standing up, a murderous scowl on his face as he took aim at the Hydra agents approaching. You try and put pressure on your wound, wincing at the feeling on the bullet shifting under your skin. Preoccupied with your wound, you almost don't hear the Hydra agent approach. Almost. Turning on him as he comes at you with a knife, you swing your feet under him, knocking him onto his arse. You grab his arm that doesn't hold the knife and wrench hard enough to pull it out of the socket. He cries out in pain, grimacing at you, fire in his eyes as he plunges the knife suddenly into your left side. You cry out, kicking your assailant in the head before pressing your foot on his neck, cutting off his air supply. Both of you are panting, him for breath and you in pain until Bucky calls your name and you look up to see the worry and anger on his face as he fires a shot into the agents head. You fall to your knees, pulling out the knife with a pain cry, tossing it aside. 

"I had it under control," You pant 

"I can see that," Bucky answers dryly, helping you stand and walk towards the bike. 

"Where are we going?" You ask as he mounts the bike, pulling you to him and sitting you bridal style in his lap, arms secured around his neck. 

"Somewhere safe" He promised as he revved the bike and took off away from the compound. You could feel the blood slowly pour from your wounds and you drifted in and out, head bobbing as you tried to stay awake. 

"C'mon on doll, stay with me here" Bucky whispered urgently. 

"Buck.. sta-mph..." you attempted to form words, but your mouth wouldn't cooperate for some reason

"(Y/n)... (Y/n) come on, stay with me, I'm almost there... Stay awake... stay..." and then it was dark. 

When you woke, you opened your eyes to find yourself in a bathroom. Or well, rather, a half-filled bathtub in only your bra and spandex you'd been wearing underneath your leggings. Frowning, you turn and the piercing pain from your injuries announces it's presence and it takes all your strength not to cry out. You bit down hard on your lip instead, whimpering instead. You look up as Bucky enters the bathroom, worry etched on his handsome features, a small flicker of relief that you're awake passes as he sets down the first aid kit he's carrying and kneels beside you. 

"Hey..." he whispers, brushing your hair back, a look of soft adoration in his eyes. 

"Hi, where are we?" You ask

"A motel, safe for now, it's hard to find and not too friendly looking. Sorry I had to undress you... I need to take care of your wounds and its a lot easier to clean up blood in the shower," he explained sheepishly. "I-I didn't look or touch or anything..." he blushing so hard and you smile softly and touch his arm.

"It's okay," You assure him, you trusted him to be a gentleman.

"So, the bad part is, I'm going to have to dig out the bullet that's still wedged into your skin, the other bad news is I'm going to have to sew you up with a needle and nothing to numb it but some rubbing alcohol." He grimaces, looking apologetic. You freeze when he says needle and Bucky looks so torn up and heartbroken you can't help but feel bad. The last thing he wants to do is hurt you. Clutching your hand to your chest you realize you're hyperventilating and try to calm yourself. It had to be done, no doubt about it, but you didn't know if you could handle it. "(Y/n)? (Y/n) look at me doll, I promise to make this as quick and painless as possible. I know you hate needles, but right now you're in a lot of pain and losing a lot of blood. I'm gonna make that pain go away, okay? I promise you, baby, You're going to be okay. I'm right here." the look in his eyes is so intense and fierce, you can't look away and you reluctantly nod, entwining your fingers with his and clutching them tightly. Bucky wipes away the tears falling from your eyes and whispers soothing words in Russian as he turns to grab the first aid kit, still holding your hand tightly. 

"Okay, I'm going to have you bite down on this rag okay?" You nod taking it from him as he wipes your wounds with antiseptic wipes and you look away when he threads the needle. 

"Ready?" Bucky waits for you to urge him to start, his demeanor patient and calm for your sake.

Nodding, you adjust the rag between your teeth, taking in a deep, shuddering breath as Bucky takes tweezers and gently holds your body still with one hand as he digs into your shoulder for the bullet. You groan in pain at the sensation and he apologizes. After what seems like an eternity, he pulls out the bullet, dropping it with a clank on to the paper towel on the floor.|

Picking up the needle, Bucky whispers more apologies as he brings the needle to your skin. Squeezing your eyes shut, you can't help but tremble in fear, crying out as the needle pierces your skin. Bucky makes quick but efficient work as he stitches you up but you can't help but cry out in pain, Biting down hard on the rag as you scream, tears are running freely down your face and you can feel yourself starting to lose consciousness, from blood loss or shock, you didn't know. You body heaves with sobs, trying to stay awake as Bucky sew you up. You begin to drift again and this time you see the doctor coming at you with the needle only you can't move, you restrained in that god awful chair in that hellhole of a place you'd been locked up in. You blink and there are the two kids again, clutching you, fear in their eyes as you're torn away from them by a dark force you can't fight. You cry out for them and then you blink and you're in the bathtub, a needle in your body, somewhat numbed by alcohol, the water your sitting in stained with your blood and your scream again, jerking your body as you teeter on the brink of reality and the past your can barely remember. The last thing you hear is the voice of an angel pleading with you to stay awake before you fall into the darkness again. 

Sooooo..... yeah. Hope you liked it!!! Got a little bit more, albeit fuzzy, backstory... also, Bucky is an angel. Now I'm going to bed because it's 1 am right now and I'm exhausted.


End file.
